A few weeks ago I was reading about that Finnish brewery that’s recreating a beer salvaged from a 200 year old shipwreck. Dogfish Head has been doing that kind of thing with much, much older historical brews – the Ancient Ales Series – for years, so the Finn’s brew concept seemed downright tame. Move on. So I did, soon landing on the description of an upcoming brew from a nanobrewery in Iceland. I figured this would be good. Any country that produced Björk could probably turn out an avant guard brew.
The brewery was Egill Skallagrimsson (probably not on ABInBev’s acquisition list) and the beer, to my only slight amazement, was Björk Stork Special Lager. Seriously? First of all, she’s a first class loon. A modern day Yoko Ono but without the politically-laced soft porn with John Lennon side project. Makes Lady Gaga look like Taylor Swift during the infatuation phase with a new boyfriend. Her fans are certified wackadoos and if the country that celebrates her as a national hero wasn’t already physically detached from every other country in the world, we’d figure out how to make it so. Anyway, here’s what Egill Skallagrimsson said about their upcoming brew:
Brewed in honor of our beloved Björk with all of the essence and wonder of her angelic thunder. Aged 18 weeks atop shavings of footwear worn during her 2011 Biophilia World Tour for a unique flavor experience. The clarity of this finest lager comes from the waters of revered Vatnajökull Glacier. A grand lager to quench the thirst of a thousand Magnús Ver Magnússons. In the shadow of Eyjafjallajökull we bring you Iceland’s most prideful premium lagers.
I won’t be pestering my local craft beer shops to stock this stuff and won’t try to track down those 2 art students down the hall in our dorm who I was convinced were from Iceland due to the mannequins in their….never mind. Actually, I won’t be trying to get this beer because nobody can. Harder to get than Westy XII because it doesn’t exist. But one day it might. It might because there are already some outrageous brews out there. The goose-wrapped freak up there would probably pair Icelandic Hákarl (cured shark) with one of them. So? What would Björk drink?
In other words, what tremendously stupid craft beers are actually being brewed, bought, poured, and…*clears throat…enjoyed right now? Two ridiculous examples immediately come to mind (excuse the horrific pun – you’ll understand in a minute unless you save yourself and stop reading right now). Both turned out by otherwise legitimate, respected, award winning craft breweries who apparently thought it might be fun to put on the idiot caps and design the following brews:
To make matters worse, they recently started canning and packaging it in two packs. I wish I was kidding. Brilliant marketing or idiocy on a grand scale? You know the Bud Light Lime crowd is howling at this one.
I didn’t believe this one either until I had no choice. Well, I have a choice not to go anywhere near it. I don’t know what they were thinking aside from the fact that they weren’t. Perhaps a cry for attention from Rogue Nation. Maybe they felt as though they were being left in the dust by more adventurous craft brewers. This is their way of saying “Hey! Look at us now! We can be morons too!” Meanwhile, fully aware of my own opinions on this beer, I bought a bottle of their new VooDoo Chocolate Peanut Butter Banana Ale earlier today AND I DON’T EVEN LIKE THE COMBINATION OF PEANUT BUTTER AND BANANA! So who’s the moron?
There are others. These are just the two that annoyed me the most. I assume this trend of shock brews is just in its infancy. The gauntlet’s been brewed and bottled. What’s your take? Should I just chill out with a sedate Ruination or am I somewhat justified? Let me know what you think.